The Butterfly

A man found the cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. And we could never fly.

Wow, how appropriate is that for me? Well, not really totally for me, but for all of us at some point. A really good friend of mine sent this story to me today, she seems to know exactly what I need to hear, and I thank God for placing her in my life! :) Every one of us will have struggles of some sort throughout our lives. It's a fact of life. Some will have small trials and tribulations, and others will have quite large trials and tribulations. I find that by the struggles I've endured over the last few years has made me stronger. Ok, not physically stronger, but spiritually...and that's all I could want really.

I also can tie this story in to the struggle I've had with not getting listed yet for my lungs. While I so badly want to feel better and get back to "normal"...I don't think that I will ever have "normal" again. I will have a "new" normal. What some people don't understand about transplant is that it is not a quick fix. Sure I will start to get and feel better with my new lungs, but I will be on lifelong medications, and I will always be on the lookout for rejection. I've been told that essentially I am just trading one set of problems for another, and transplant really isn't a "cure"...it's just a "fix". So while I DO get frustrated that things are not moving as quickly as I would like...or think....in terms of getting listed and getting new lungs, I keep in mind that there are reasons why things keep popping up. Just like when I was in the hospital in January and Cleveland was ready to present my case the following week...and then to find out I didn't have the insurance approval. I did have insurance and was furious this was the only thing that prevented my case from being presented. A lot of people were furious for me. Yet, there was a reason why this happened and why I am still not listed yet. It's simply not my time to emerge from my cocoon. (In fact, I'm still the crazy caterpillar waiting to spin that cocoon!) ;)

Only God knows when that time is and will be. Until then, I have faith in Him and that all things will work out for the best.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Breathe in faith, breathe out fear!

New Wings for Kara Benefit

For those of you that may be interested in the benefit and all the fun things going on that night, here is the info! :)

April 28, 2012 from 6-11 at the Greenville VFW.

Tickets are $15 for a single ticket or $25 for a couple. Dinner is included with the ticket price.
There will be a dinner at 6, a silent auction, door prizes, jail and bail, and a DJ. I hope and pray that I will stay well enough to be there, so I would LOVE to see old friends, new friends, family...come on out! :)

Tickets must be purchased in advance (can only fit so many in the hall, and we're hoping to sell out!) If you would like to get tickets, you can contact Cherolet Hutcheson at 692-9966 or Katy Linkous at 459-0496. You can also contact me and I can set you up. :) Also...we are still looking for donations for the silent auction and the door prizes. If you would like to donate anything, please get into contact with Cherolet or Katy. (or me) Thanks! :)


**Update health wise**
 I will be doing an IVIG infusion soon...should be hearing from the hospital early next week to schedule the infusion. I'm not sure I'm looking forward to it since they take a long time to administer and I'm also not sure about the side effects. My antibodies are really low (in the 300's, where normal is 700-1500) so I'm hoping that the infusion will help make that number higher. I'm also hoping that it will make a difference in the way I feel. Right now I just feel achy all of the time like I have the flu. No fun. I'm used to being on 20mg of prednisone and I need to get down to at least 10mg. When I am at 20, I don't feel the flu-like achy-ness When I start to drop my dose I start feeling it. I go back to Cleveland May 7...tentative, but believe this will be the date. I think I will have to start re-doing the tests needed to be listed for transplant. They have to be done once a year and I started about this time last year with getting some of the tests done. Not looking forward to some of those! :(

I still am truly blessed by so many friends and family out there that have been there for my family and I. Doug and I are very thankful for the outpouring of love and support and we can't thank everybody enough. I got a wonderful card about a week ago with some awesome Bible verses in the card. (Thanks, Lindsay!) :) My favorite that I would like to share, because I feel it's appropriate and relates to me is this:

1 Peter 5:10 - "In His kindness God called you to share in His eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation."

My little caterpillar legs are so very weak and weary, so it's good to know that He will strengthen me and place me on a firm foundation! I'm looking forward to that day!!! :)

Don't Quit

I wanted to share a poem that a really good friend of mine sent me in a card awhile ago. (Hopefully she doesn't mind I share it!) :)
Her message was this,

"Kara, I'm always amazed at your positive attitude and sense of humor! I'm sure it's not easy though. I was given this poem many years ago and I wanted to share it with you as well. Love, Kristi"

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with it's twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When you might have won, had you stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow-

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out-

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near, when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!

--Author Unknown--

Definitely gives you something to think about. Especially when you are feeling down on your luck and you can't handle anything else. I've been told by many people, just like Kristi said, that they are amazed at my positive attitude and my sense of humor with all I have gone through over the last few years. I honestly do not think that I have done anything different then what other people would do if they were faced with the same situation as myself. I sure do have my down times where I do not think I can stand another day feeling the way I do and hurting the way that I do. That is where I pull my strength from God and my family and friends and know that if I can just make it through the rough patch that I am going through at the time...that good days will follow.

I try to remain positive (Doug may disagree!) :) but I do struggle with this the most. I am used to things going my way and being so busy. Not being able to do what I used to do has brought out the negative side in me! I have tried to keep my humor...even when I have been in the ER, or in the hospital, I have tried to have a sense of humor about things to an extent. If I've lost that humor, or smile, then one would know that I am really sick! ;) Honestly though, I find it easier to smile then frown. Even though I do not feel like smiling, or I am feeling really cruddy, I like to smile and at least pretend that I am okay. Humor lightens up any situation though, which is why I like to throw it in every now and then.

I was so excited for my friend, Kristi, as she just had a baby girl last week! She has 3 very adorable little boys already and while pregnant with this last baby they didn't find out the sex. Not knowing drove me nuts, but I had a feeling she was going to have a little girl and she did! When I got the text last Sunday that she had a girl I was jumping up and down...with my oxygen on of course...and not too much jumping either, haha! Doug just looked at me weird like I had lost my mind. I had prayed every night since I found out that she was pregnant that not only would she have a healthy baby, but a healthy baby GIRL! :) So, prayers, answered! I also had been praying for another good friend of mine...Jackie...that after years of trying to conceive that this would be her year. I know if it's God's will that He will make it happen, and that's simply all I asked of Him. She found out last week that she is having TWINS!!!

I pray every night that maybe, just maybe, God will send me a miracle as well and maybe heal me so that I won't have to have a transplant after all. That is far-fetched as I will definitely have to have the transplant, but I know that He can do anything He wants.So who knows? I have promised to do whatever it takes, so maybe he will answer this prayer of mine and life can return to some sort of normalcy for me. I know this may sound weird, but I've still never gotten used to the idea of having to have a lung transplant. Thinking about it, I just cannot picture myself ever getting it. So whether that is God telling me that something else will come along and happen (I'm thinking good here, not bad...), or what, I do not know. I do wonder though since I keep getting these "detours" from Cleveland. These "detours" are simply God telling me that it just isn't time yet, that He has something else up his sleeve. At least that's what I keep telling myself anyway! ;) Let's hope that I am right!

Before I turn in for the night, I just wanted to thank everyone for everything again! The outpouring of love for us has been so great and Doug and I are still being amazed at the generosity of everyone...friends, family, strangers even! We can't thank you enough and know that when I am all better that he and I will be paying it forward to help others in need as everyone has helped us. Our hearts have swollen with such gratitude. The gun raffle was a HUGE success, and we thank Copes Distributing for donating the guns in the raffle. Thanks to Randy and Shawn for heading the raffle up, and for everyone that sold tickets, and to those of you that bought tickets. Words cannot express how thankful and grateful we are. The Thirty-One party that Sarah held for me with all of her commission from the party going to me was also a HUGE success! So thanks to all of you that bought something from the party to help me out, and thanks to Sarah for giving me your commissions! :) There will be one last hurrah to help raise money...the benefit that will be April 28 from 6-11 at the VFW in Greenville. There will be more information to follow, I don't have all of the details, but mark your calendars and come on out. It will be a lot of fun and I would LOVE to see you! :)

Still just a 'lil caterpillar, but I have a full and happy heart to carry me until it's time for me to get my butterfly wings! :) Love to you all! <3