The Waiting Game

The waiting game is really no fun. I feel like I am pregnant all over again anxiously waiting the arrival of my "new bundle of joy"...yet this time I do not have a bun in the oven and am waiting on "my new wings" instead. Just like being pregnant though, you just don't know when it will "be time"....and I may have a "dry run" (or two, etc) just like there is false labor. I told Doug I'd rather be having a 4th child rather then waiting for lungs and going through surgery. The look he gave me told me he was glad I was having a transplant instead of a 4th child! (I secretly think he would rather it be the other way around too even though he won't admit it!)

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

I haven't really had a whole lot of time to think about getting "the call" over the last week and a half because a week ago Thursday Doug broke his right hand. Since I require 2 oxygen tanks on continuous flow when I leave the house; Doug's dad came to take him to the ER, to the orthopedic doctor appointment the next morning, and then to have surgery this last Tuesday. Even though I am very thankful that his dad was able to do all of this for him, I was a little bummed that I wasn't the one there by his side through it all. I mean, he got his very first IV and everything! :) I joked with him telling him that he broke it on purpose just so that he could get attention since I'm the one that everyone asks about. :) I also told him he was jealous about my surgery and had to hurry up and do something so that he could have a surgery before me. With a roll of his eyes, he was in agreement with me. :)

So Doug breaks his right hand making it so he cannot work for the next 6 weeks. Coincidence that he has this time off? I guess we will see over the course of the next 5 weeks! I do think that this was God's way of telling him to slow down some....take a load off...relax a little. Too bad we can't take a little vacation somewhere. He was in quite a bit of pain after his surgery and for close to 2 days after, but is feeling "better" now and has been out and about. Me on the other hand, I haven't left the house since my last doctor visit on May 28th. Yep. Almost a month. I'm going crazy I think. There's only so much TV you can watch...Internet you can look at...books you can read....

I go back to Cleveland July 2 (if I don't get "the call" beforehand!) for the regular round of tests and appointments. We'll see what my numbers are and if it will affect my place on "the list". Doug wanted to set up a bet where everyone guesses when I will get "the call". I told him since I got the call for listing on Austin's birthday (June 12) that I will get "the call" for my lungs on Alexa's birthday (July 19). He said he hopes it isn't that long. Doug said he thinks this Thursday or Friday (meaning yesterday or today)...there's not many more hours left of Friday, so I doubt he wins. Cameron said July 4, which may be more on because we go to Cleveland on July 2 and I told Doug that with our luck we will go on the 2nd, come home, be home for a day and then get the call to drive all the way back up there. Not that I would complain or anything. That would just be our luck though. To which we thought that when we go on the 2nd that we will take our overnight stuff with us at least just in case...who knows, maybe I will get the call while we are up there that day! Alexa said May 1....to which I gasped and said that I sure hope it's not a whole year almost...to which she said she didn't mean May and then she never really said a date.

I know He is still working on making my perfect wings and these things cannot be rushed. I do hope that He finishes soon though because there are so many days that I do not know how much more I can take. That's when I pray and I know that He is with me, taking care of me, reminding me to stay calm and know that He has it all taken care of. This calms me and helps me get through the extra hard times, and I envision what it will be like when I can finally breathe easy again.

I had a visit from my Grandma Coning last night. She and I rode bikes together down a long stretch of road. I was taking her to some special grocery store (not sure what we were going to get exactly) and talking to her along the way. I was "normal"...didn't have my O2 on, wasn't sick...and she was how I remembered her when I last saw her out in Arizona. Sweet, small, smiling, loving, quiet. I remember thinking in my dream that I couldn't believe grandma was riding a bike beside me in her condition! Along our way we spotted some cardinals and I smiled and pointed them out to her and asked her if she still liked cardinals now as much as she did then. She smiled and nodded yes. I told her that I missed her and that I was enjoying our bike ride together. She smiled and nodded again, and gave me a wink. Grandma would sometimes give a wink with her contagious smile...especially when it was something she also was enjoying. I asked her is she was still singing...something that she always loved to do here on Earth. She smiled and said, "Oh yes!". (the only words she actually spoke)We reached the end of the road and never found the store I was on the lookout for. We were going to turn around and look for it on the way back when I told her I needed to use the restroom before we started back the other way. Then for real, I woke up to need to use the restroom. Bummer. I tried to get back to sleep so I could "catch grandma" for the return bike trip but I was unsuccessful. In fact, I couldn't get back to sleep because my chest was hurting so bad. It was like I had been riding the bike. I pray that my new wings come soon!!